Confession: I hopped on the bandwagon and joined Tumblr. Well, actually, that’s not exactly true. I’ve been on Tumblr for years blogging under a pseudonym. The recent venture is actually tied to me. Yikes. For some reason, as a long time WP user, this almost feels like a betrayal of the blogging CMS!

[Reposted from Tumblr]

You know, I always thought that Tumblr was the sandbox for four types of people

1) the artistically-inclined posting their stream-of-conscious musings about their craft

2) the hopeless romantic floating from day to day, getting their highs from sepia graphics etched with cryptic sayings, and hitting their lows with bitter, definite vows of “never again”

3) the foodie, the photographer, or the fashion addict all flooding your stream with exquisite images that you sometimes do not understand

4) the likes of Harvard sex blogger Lena Chen – former serious bloggers who had their own successful/semi-successful blogs on a personal domain with WordPress, but then decided to go into retirement mode or “the next phase of their lives,” and migrated to the more personal, quirkier Tumblr.

I’m not sure where I fit into all of this. My pseudo-artistic musings are rested comfortably in untitled .txt files scattered around my desktop. My love-related raves and rants (and graphics) are tucked away in an emo private blog that nobody will ever find. My fashion addiction-fueled rampage for runway photos from Style.com are all organized neatly (by season and location, like “Milan-SpringSummer10” or “Paris-FallWinter09”) in folders on my computer. Finally, my WordPress blogs are neither particularly successful nor retired.

That leaves us where we started.

I guess what I really want to do is write more, without the constraint of writing for a particular audience or achieving some particular end. Tumblr allows for the quasi-anonymity I sort of desire, but at the same time lets me follow my amazing friends who tumble. After all, when you image Google the title of this new Tumblr blog, Sayornis, all that comes up is a chubby little bird. No judgments. No expectations.

West Campus, Ithaca, New York – Saturday, May 22

Flora Rose is emptying up. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I had the best suite (including other peeps down the hall) I could ask for this year. Before going away for college, people warned me about hall drama, roommate fights, and awful cafeteria food. These were mostly non-existent in my Cornell experience so far (with the exception of Flora Rose house dinners, GAH!). I’m going to miss these girls so much this summer <3.  We’ll be in DC, Kentucky, Massachusetts, New York, Spain, China, Vancouver etc. – literally scattered around the world.

Collegetown, Ithaca, New York – Wednesday, May 26

A tearful goodbye at 4am in front of the Shortline bus, perhaps an ironic throwback to that first chance encounter.

Adios Ithaca. Every time I leave I am eager to get out of this bumblefuck and return to civilization. Every time I return, it is with trepidation and uncertainty. Ithaca seems to change a little each time. When I come back in August, one part of it is going to feel empty.

Somewhere upstate, NY – early am, Wednesday

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD why is no position comfortable to sleep in on this bus?! I am running on three hours of sleep and all I’m asking for is to be horizontal, for a moment.

Lincoln Tunnel, New York City – 9:00 am, Wednesday

Entire year at Cornell flashing before my eyes. It’s ending the same way it begun. Too much nostalgia. Snap out of it Phoebe.

Port Authority Bus Terminal, NYC – 10:00am, Wednesday

Three thoughts
1) WHY THE HELL IS IT SO FRIGGIN HOT HERE?!
2) Dragging my 50 pound luggage through the New York subway is very, very unpleasant. Major obstacles include turnstiles, stairs, subway cars, and more stairs
3) Someone helped me up and down almost every set of stairs. Wow! They all looked like Wall Street analysts haha.

Deutsche Bank Auditorium, 60 Wall Street, NYC – 11:45am, Wednesday

Can’t believe I’m here! Mad mutual connections everywhere. I was talking about “this conference I went to in Stanford about China” and someone I didn’t know pitched in, “You mean FACES?!” YAY?!

The finance training session they have is  so much clearer than anything that Finance / Accounting classes had!

I’m an Ideas person, apparently. My personality profile according to Ann Miller is deemed slightly unfit for investment banking. That’s okay, I think.

Somewhere in the Financial District, NYC – 6:00pm, Wednesday

This is the biggest scavenger hunt I’ve been in in my life.

Harry’s Steak, NYC – 8:30pm, Wednesday

I find out that 400+ people applied for this program, and 30 people got selected. Not bad.

PS – This steak is absolutely amazing.

Club Quarters, Wall Street, NYC – 11:00pm, Wednesday

Single room, king sized bed, ergonomically designed chair, WIFI. Now I can get used to this.

47th Floor, DB Building, NYC – 9:00am, Thursday, May 27

The view is absolutely gorgeous up here on the top floor. Great place for breakfast. We have a couple useful presentations in the morning and a lunch with analysts/MDs. The afternoon’s LRC analyst panel starts off uneventful. In the middle of the panel, a guy in business attire strolls in casually from the lobby. The panelists stop talking mid-sentence and someone goes up to introduce the guy.

“This is Seth Waugh, CEO of Americas for Deutche Bank.”

The room basically stops moving for the next 10 minutes (save the few people flipping to the page with the company organization chart and glossy executive photos, to make sure we heard right) as Mr. Waugh talked about the firm. Great moment.

New York City Food Bank, The Bronx, NY – 3:30pm, Thursday

So this is the Bronx. Props everyone for a job well done repackaging donations.

New York Stock Exchange, Wall Street, NYC – 9:30am, Friday, May 28

This is hands-down one of the most exciting events of the program. If anyone was watching CNBC on Friday morning, the people you see waving to the camera in the background are… us. There is so much energy (and testosterone) on the trading floor it’s just incredible.

Near NYU Dorm, NYC – 11:25pm, Friday, May 28

I am sitting in a movie theatre watching Sex and the City, IN the City. Yes, to you New Yorkers this might not be all that special, but I’m feeling very giddy. It’s a full theatre, maybe 25% guys tied to their gfs, and 75% gals.

12th Street and 3rd Avenue, NYC – 2:45am, Saturday, May 29

Can’t… keep… eyes… open. Standing at a street corner with a giant luggage at 2:30 AM is so friggin’ scary. At one point a dude came up to me and said, “You know you really shouldn’t stand there alone at this hour with so much stuff.” I KNOW, I KNOW. Never doing this again. GOD DAMN IT WHERE IS MY SHORTLINE.

Speeding towards JFK – 3:15am, Saturday, May 29

Passing out on shuttle, exhaustion.

Terminal 8, JFK – 4:30am, Saturday, May 29

I AM NEVER FLYING AMERICAN AIRLINES AGAIN. AN HOUR WAIT TIME IN LINE TO CHECK LUGGAGE?! WTF!!

Departure Gate, JFK – 5:00am, Saturday May 29

Strategically wrapping my carry-ons around me so no one would steal them. Curling up in the corner to sleep like a hobo.

Flight AA1, JFK – 9:00am, Saturday May 29

So I’m wearing a red Cornell shirt on the plane. The lady next to me looks over and exclaims, “Oh! Cornell! Wonderful school. I went there too.” She was traveling with two other people so basically my entire row, from left to right, was Cornell grad of 2012, 2007, 2007, and 1973. Amazing.

LAX, Los Angeles, California – 1:00pm, Saturday May 29

Thank god, one more flight and I’m home. It’s so nice hearing “Vancouver Passengers” on the PA!

My bed, Richmond, British Columbia – 6:00pm, Saturday, May 29

I have never appreciated sleep this much.

My Saturdays have a routine. Most of the time it’s Casey, sometimes it’s Cal, one time it was Malumbo (Turns out he was taken, what a shame). Anyway, I go up to him to say hi and ask him how his day is going. I grab a blanket, chat him up, begin to give him a gentle message. Up and down, down and up. You’d think with all the effort I’m putting in on those muscular shoulders or powerful thighs, that he’d be more grateful, right? But nooo, he’s almost never in the mood. What’s a girl to do but nudge and coax?

Moving on. The next thing I do is making sure that I’m wearing protection. You never want to get on top and realize you’re not wearing protection. Severe consequences, I’ve been told repeatedly.

Of course, only one thing matters more than protection – his size.  To me anyway. There is a great deal of coordination involved, surprisingly. I’m sort of on the light and skinny side so when he’s too big, I get uncomfortable and he gets restless. So it was great having Casey as a first. He’s the small and quiet sort who listens to you and waits for you when you need a break from the motions.

Sometimes it’s frustrating. Casey, for one, likes playing games. When we finally have a nice, fast rocking rhythm going, I’m shouting “Keep going Casey, don’t stop!” and he just… HALTS. I mean come on, what is that?! Way to ruin my moment.

Now I always thought that being on top gives you more control over speed and angle. But boy did Casey prove me wrong. At first it was easy as pie, for we were getting used to each other’s bodies and being in such close proximity. Before I knew it, Casey started really going at it. The first time, I was completely thrown off balance and ended up out of sync with his rhythm. And let me tell you, there is nothing worse than being out of sync because your butt ends up smacking him (or her) at all the wrong moments. And you’re not smacking soft skin, but solid, hard gear. Painful for both of you. I told him to take it slow since I really didn’t want to ride him hard the first time (I think he decided to ignore me).

We usually go about this for roughly 45 minutes. Him confident, me clumsy. By the end, he’s usually unsatisfied and I’m just plain exhausted. When I finally hop off of him, I am sore in places I didn’t know existed and swear that I won’t do this again in a while. But deep down I know, after a week filled with throbbing body parts, I’d be back, and he’d be waiting for me.

Meet Casey.

I’m not wearing a helmet as protection like I should, but hey, the thing was killing my brain and I was already in pain from riding for an hour. My love-hate (though mostly love) relationship with my horseback riding class continues.

P.S. – Get your mind out of the gutter!

This year, I waited after the New Year and New Decade euphoria to settle down a bit, hoping the overly-optimistic and wishful thinking would be out of my system before I sit down and make resolutions that are actually feasible. So here they are, somewhat anticlimatically presented.

Write New Year Resolutions – YES! DONE! (Kidding…)

Think before I speak – to avoid embarrassment, regret, hysteria, and perceived stupidity on my part.

Do something terrifying – gorge-jumping or dancing in front a large crowd of people maybe?

Hit the big FOUR-OH, not agewise mind you, but grade-wise.

Learn to cook beyond boiling water.

Get my driver’s license, because my friends currently view my inability to drive as practically a disability.

Blog more often! And write for a publication.

When it comes to extra-curriculars, DEPTH, not BREADTH.

Take every opportunity to travel.

Sleep before 12:30 and get up early to preview lectures – I have a feeling this will be the toughest one.

Of course, there’s the “internship/career/graduate school/fitness plan/eat healthier” staple that come with every resolution list which I will bypass here.

QOTW: What are your New Year Resolutions? And how many have you broken already?

In 2000, I attended my last semester of elementary school in China (scarring Grade 3), got glasses, flew across the world, immigrated to Canada, started a new school not knowing any English, and got bullied in school for said lack of English skills.
In 2001, I made a five-minute speech in front of 500 people (take that, ESL), changed elementary schools, went on a camping retreat without parents for the first time, realized school was a piece of cake, watched Sailor Moon every single day at lunch, and used the self-check out aisle at a supermarket for the first time.
In 2002, I created a MSN account which I still use today, used Netzero dialup to get online, made my first website, changed two more schools, learned to ski (and was laughed at by the ski instructor for lack of ability), went to my first middle school dance and danced awkwardly with a boy with sufficient space between us, and hosted too many sleepover slumber parties to count.
In 2003, I prided myself on having the same bologna sandwich every day at lunch for three years running, got addicted to a gameboy for the first time, DISCOVERED HARRY POTTER, played in the park after school, went to church regularly, and visited Quebec.
In 2004, I moved across the country to the West Coast, lamented my school placements, took public transit for the first time by myself, went back to China, was addicted to Runescape, and shared a one bedroom flat with my parents.
In 2005, I started PreIB (changed schools, again), memorized half of Homer’s Odyssey, found out that hot overhead projectors had negative impacts on teachers, and may have moved to Richmond.
In 2006, PreIB merged into IB and life was taking its toll. I remember nothing from this period other than starting a job at McDonald’s at another at a Call Center, simultaneously.
In 2007, I discovered the wonders of fashion, toiled away for my extended essay, had a few more jobs, studied for SATs, applied for universities, became disillusioned with IB, and started a relationship.
In 2008, I passed IB, went back to China but came back before the Olympics, worked two jobs during the summer, cried too much, almost went to Berkeley, got contacts, had a crazy time at Frosh, blogged joyfully, and over-involved myself in extra-curriculars.
In 2009, I juggled jobs, academics, and extra-curriculars; my bank account hit $10 000 for the first time, but a few days later it was cut in half due to tuition, started a relationship, transferred to Cornell, embarked on whirlwind trips to NYC, Boston, Kingston, Toronto, and Syracuse, lived in dorms for the first time, did laundry for the first time (ha!), and came back to Vancouver and had the best winter holiday EVER … for the most part.

Hello new decade. I wonder what surprises you bring.

When someone agrees to something, shut up, stop providing details, and go celebrate. You’ve won, don’t push your luck by adding unnecessary information.

If a small action on your part can make a big positive difference for someone else, take said action.

Memories and morals are the most valuable things you have.

Sometimes friends drift apart or go in different directions. Try your best to save it, but know when to let go.

Family, the older you get, the more precious and loving they become. Also the older you get, the less you’ll see them and actually miss their nagging and idiosyncracies.

Love does not last.

How you see the world changes as you change how you see yourself.